* Blaming your farts on me...not funny.
* Yelling at me for barking...I'M A DOG YOU IDIOT!!
* How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?)
* Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?
* Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.
* Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet...
* How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
* Dog sweaters? ...... Have you noticed the fur?..... Imbecile.
* Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. (Now you know why we chew your stuffwhen you're not home.)
* When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?
* Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go back.
* The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.