* Blaming your farts on me...not funny.
* Yelling at me for barking...I'M A DOG YOU IDIOT!!
* How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?)
* Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?
* Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.
* Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet...
* How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
* Dog sweaters? ...... Have you noticed the fur?..... Imbecile.
* Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. (Now you know why we chew your stuffwhen you're not home.)
* When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?
* Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go back.
* The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.
Thursday, 8 May 2008
To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.
* If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.
* If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.
* If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.
Georgie The CAT